Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Finale

Walking away from Tribal Council, Erik is feeling like he's spinning. No bueno.
Jeff makes an unexpected appearance, which is generally bad news.
Erik's pulse is slow, his blood pressure is low, and they put an intravenous line in his arm.
The medic will not allow Erik to continue in his present condition, and they pull him from the game.

Farewell Erik.
Jeff tells the remaining group that they now each have a 1 in 4 shot.
Dawn looks sad.
Cochran looks smug.
Fuck you, Cochran.

Cochran thinks he needs to get in tight with Eddie now.
Eddie suggests he, Cochran, and Sherri should go to the end.

I've realized I'm semi-rooting for Eddie at this point.
That probably means he's the next one out.

Final Reward Challenge
They hold up a seesaw platform thing while building a wood block house of cards up to a certain marker.
The lead changes numerous times as people's house of cards come crashing down. Cochran wins after many retries by everyone.
His reward is an advantage in the coming Immunity Challenge.

"I am the challenge beast." Cochran says.
You're going to have to throw all your hats away when you get home because your head will have gotten way too big for them.

"I'm locked. Locked to you." Dawn keeps saying to Cochran, looking for reassurance.
He's not locked to you, crazy.

Cochran is paranoid too, and says "There's no scenario in which I'm voting you off. It's the same way for you, right?"
You better not vote her off now.
As long as you didn't straight up say that, you'd be less scum should that be your decision.
But he says to the camera, "She should be paranoid because I'm considering ditching her."
You're both lying assholes.

Walk of remembering fallen tribe members time. Let's all say nice things about people we didn't really like and/or barely remember.

Final Immunity Challenge time
The challenge is to run up stairs, untie a bag of puzzle pieces, slide down a slide, repeat for two additional bags of puzzle pieces, untie and dump out bags, and build a puzzle that looks like a flame.
Cochran's advantage he won is that there are no knots to untie to retrieve his bags.
Ooh, that's serious time savings.
Cochran falls down some stairs but doesn't seem too affected.
There are some brutal tumbles at the bottom of that slide for all involved.
Come on Eddie!
All the people have their puzzle pieces before Cochran gets his first puzzle piece in. His advantage has evaporated.
Dawn starts making headway, but Cochran catches up. Sherri is surprisingly not terrible with the puzzle, and Eddie has taken up the role of Sherri. You know...terrible at stuff.
Cochran pulls ahead and secures the win.

Dawn hugs and cries and whatever, so happy he won.
You shouldn't be.
You're fucked.
He's in the final.
Dawn, listen to me, you're fucked.

God...Dawn starts crying again when they're back at camp.
Cochran keeps assuring her that he's locked.
Dawn says a part of her doesn't feel she deserves it.
You're right.
You don't.
Think about Brenda, you fucking dick.

Tribal Council
Glad to see Erik is okay and at Tribal Council.
Eddie makes a good case that Dawn has a good chance to win and simultaneously puts his own self down in a humorous manner.
The votes go:
Dawn
Eddie
Eddie
Eddie

Sorry Eddie. I screwed you over by rooting for you. It is my curse.

Cochran kept his word, I guess.
That makes you slightly less scum than Dawn.

The final three gets some food and bask in the fact that they've reached this point.
Dawn thinks it's a storybook ending.
Storybook? Really? What is this storybook? "How to Succeed as a Skeevy Asshole"?

At the final Tribal Council...
Sherri's opening statements are like...I don't even have words to describe them... What are you even saying?
She starts breaking down and word vomiting that she's so nervous.
No one knows what she's talking about. Quiet down. No one takes you seriously anyway.

Cochran's knowledge and love of Survivor show through in his opening arguments. Pretty good overall.

Dawn talked. I don't really care what she said. Moving on.

Malcolm:
Malcolm doesn't have a question for Dawn but tells her that she can't be "warm mother of 6 who stabs people in the back". She did terrible things and has to own it in order to get his vote.

He asks Cochran "What do you have that I don't have?", and Cochran's answer is insecurity.

Eddie:
Eddie asks Sherri if she thinks she got carried to the Final 3.
Her reply is "No".
Everyone laughs.
Yep. You a joke. Everybody knows it but you.

Regarding Dawn, he calls her weak and paranoid. Accurate.
Dawn says that it was her strategy to vote each person out "regardless of how I feel or what they've done for me."
Fuck you.

Phillip:
He informs Sherri she is no longer a member of Stealth-R-Us. Everyone laughs.

He then mocks Dawn for freaking out about people going to vote for her each and every day and says she was very disruptive. Accurate.

Cochran gets off easy. He simply tells Cochran he enjoyed playing the game with him.

Erik:
Erik expresses to Dawn that he thought they had something but says "after the vote with Brenda, what we had, you crushed it, it wasn't genuine."
How are you feeling about your betrayal now? Everybody pretty much hates yo face.

He moves onto Sherri and states that nobody's asking about her strategy, and he wants to know if she knows why.
She gets all pissy. Says "I don't need your help." and "You can sit down."
Fuck you, Sherri. Before I just thought you were worthless. Now I think I'll add clueless and kind of a bitch to that list.

Michael:
Dawn totally owns the villain role when answering Michael's question. She states that Cochran didn't have as much blood on his hands.
She boasts that she had the relationships to get the information necessary to make the strategic decisions, and with Cochran, there would be times, "he just had to show up and say 'How should I vote?'"

Cochran disputes her words, and says "If I hadn't been your therapist, I don't think you'd still be in this game." Probably accurate.

Reynold:
Reynold comes straight out and tells Dawn that he doesn't like her and that she's not genuine. Ah Boosh.
His question to her is what she actually thinks about him. He requests she give three adjectives.
She goes with: chauvinistic, great sense of humor, and vulgar.

Andrea:
Andrea was a bit of a shocker. She said that she's not bitter. "I have no mean words."
She gives them props for blindsiding her with an idol in her bag. "It was awesome." she says.

She asks Cochran what animal best represented the way he played Survivor. His answer is chameleon. Good choice.

Surprisingly, she addresses Dawn, telling her that she's proud of her. I still think you're a scumbag, Dawn, but that is neither here nor there.

Brenda:
Brenda is still probably the most hurt, as well she should be. She says that with the family visit that she gave them something, and then they turned around and took something from her.
Cochran tries to explain how he's separated the game from emotion. He felt that was an emotional gift that he's thankful for, but what it came down to was that he took out his biggest strategic threat.

Onto Dawn...
"Getting voted out by you, Dawn, is where the the pain came."
She brings up the retainer incident, where Dawn said she would have pulled herself from the game if she didn't get her retainer back.
Brenda asks if she really would have given up.
"No." Dawn says.
"Prove it to me." Brenda responds and tells her she wants her to take out her teeth.
Dawn is immediately resistant and puts up a fight.
Brenda says that "if it's not that big a deal, prove it to me."
Dawn continues to refuse, as Brenda keeps saying "Let's do it."
She finally submits and removes her retainer, revealing her bottom four teeth or so are missing.
That's a big ol hole.

Thus concludes the Question and Answer portion of Tribal Council. Voting time ensues, and Jeff scurries off with the votes that will be read weeks and weeks later.

Reunion time!
The votes are in. Cochran after Cochran after Cochran are pulled out of the jar. It's a landslide. No one else even got a smell.
Of the three that remained, this was the best that I could have hoped for.
But know this, I would have been much happier should Malcolm, Andrea, or Brenda won. Just sayin...

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 13

Back from Tribal Council, and there is discussion swirling around about Cochran being a possible next vote. I'd be okay with this.
Dawn is conflicted as they've been buds, but what else is new? Dawn is conflicted. Call the papers.

Erik is starting to go a little crazy around camp.
He feels trapped in the "most beautiful prison" imaginable and stares at the coconuts in the tree with contempt. He says they're laughing at him.
In an attempt to show those smart ass coconuts who's boss, he tries to climb up a ridiculously high tree to get them.
He does not succeed in his mission, but he also doesn't die. That's the best we could have hoped for.

Tree mail brings videos from home which alleviates some of the crazy.

They head to their Reward Challenge, where they'll be united with their loved ones.
Brenda is so happy to see her dad that Jeff gets a little choked up at the sight.
Cochran acknowledges the thoughts in my mind by apologizing to his mother that he smells. I bet it's rull bad.

In Survivor tradition, this reward will be played with your loved one. Cochran's mother immediately apologizes for their inevitable loss. Haha! Way to bring the heat, Mom.
The challenge involves spinning poles off a post. You do this three times, put them on a rack, then huck bolos at them. First team with three bolos on the poles wins.
As was foretold, Cochran and his mom are not good at this. They are so slow they have time to chit chat while spinning the poles off the posts. Challenges: You're doing them wrong.
Brenda and her dad end up winning, and her reward is a barbecue with her loved one, and she gets to pick one other survivor/loved one duo to accompany her.
She chooses Dawn and her husband.
But wait!
Jeff has a monkey wrench to throw into your happiness. For the first time ever, each Survivor has two loved ones here on the island, and Brenda is given a choice.
She can either go on the barbecue with her two loved ones and Dawn with her two loved ones, or she can choose to double loved one the rest of the tribe.
Very cruel. Her selflessness will also now impact Dawn.
She decides to give the love to the remaining four survivors: Cochran, Sherri, Eddie, and Erik.
Dawn is crushed.

I think the worst part is that the barbecue is just offshore, where Brenda and Dawn can easily see the merriment.
It's really rough for Dawn, but lots of things are rough for Dawn. She has a lot of feels.

After the wonderful day Brenda has gifted to them, Cochran is starting to think Brenda has garnered too many karma points. She's very likable now, and he thinks should be voted out.
You fucking asshole...

Immunity Challenge
Standing on a dock, leaning over the water, and holding onto a handle behind your back, you must hold on as long as possible as Jeff slowly lets out the rope, making it suckier to hold on to.
I'm definitely rooting for Brenda because I don't trust these mofos.
Erik is clearly going to wuss out early and asks for food practically immediately. There ain't none, son!
Cochran is out first, followed by Eddie shortly after. Erik is next, and only the ladies remain.
Sherri doesn't last much longer and Dawn asks Brenda if they can strike a deal. She wants Brenda to let her have this one since she has never won one.
Brenda is no quitter and doesn't really consider voluntarily quitting.
She ends up falling, which makes me worried for her. Cochran is untrustable.

As expected, Cochran still thinks it's a good idea to get Brenda out now.
True. She's not expecting it. It will probably be harder to blindside her after Eddie's gone, but you're forgetting the part about this making you backstabbing motherfuckers.
Dawn...you said you wouldn't vote for Brenda. I remember this. Do you? When you went crazy because you lost your teef?

Tribal Council
I think Brenda should start worrying. Their words indicate thoughts. Deceitful thoughts.
I wish you had an idol to play...
The vote happens, and it's 2 for Eddie, 1 for Erik, and 3 for Brenda.
I hate all of you.
You guys all suck.
"It hurts" were Brenda's parting words.
Scum.
You're scum.
Fuck all of you.
I don't like any of you, and I don't have any preference regarding which one of you assholes wins.

Cochran: Sneaky, clever motherfucker. STATUS - Dead to me.
Dawn: Weepy, lying headcase. STATUS - Dead to me.
Sherri: Worthless and weak. STATUS - How the fuck are you still here?
Eddie: Strongish moron and last remaining Amigo. STATUS - Cockroach: He just will not go away.
Erik: Naive dunderhead that dabbles in insanity. STATUS - Not playing the game has gotten him farther than it ever should have.

At least Erik didn't vote for Brenda. I hate you the least, but you have done nothing to deserve winning.
This finale is shaping up to be anger inducing.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 12

Reynold and Eddie are still standing. Like cockroaches, you two are.

Andrea keeps throwing Brenda's name around for elimination, and I don't like it. There's two perfectly good lambs for slaughter available. Slow your roll.

Survivor likes to keep people on their toes. They don't like you getting too comfortable with the routine. You just voted someone off, and tree mail arrives. You think it's about a Reward Challenge. Haha! No. Fuck you. Immunity Challenge time happens immediately. Survivor drops the mic. Survivor drops all the mics.

Immunity Challenge is a floaty triangle balance test.
My guess is that a girl will take this challenge. I'd like to see some Survivor stats on balance challenges. Girls clean up on those challenges, yo.

Eric and Eddie bail for a few donuts. I never quite understand why two people agree to go out at the same time during one of those temptations. You do realize that you get half the donuts now? I don't know why I'm so surprised. You two aren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer.
Cochran follows suit for some hotdogs. He doesn't really want the hotdogs. He's basically just pussing out.
Reynold saves his ass numerous times with a flaily dance. It's only a matter of time. You going down, bro.
Andrea and Brenda are the last two standing.
Brenda doesn't want to just bow out. I can respect that.
They stand up there so long they decide to make up their own next level rules and go at it. They'd probably be at it for days otherwise.
Brenda falls off after they both decide to lift their left foot. Andrea is safe, and as a reward, she gets a clue to find a newly hidden immunity idol.

As a condition of the let's just end this shit immunity truce, a promise was made to share the immunity idol clue. Andrea didn't want to share it with anybody, but since she had to share it with Brenda, she goes ahead and shares it with everybody in her "alliance".
They go out and look for it as a group. Field trip!
Eric actually finds the idol rather quickly and immediately hands it to Andrea. What a doofus. I don't think he's any wiser this time around.

The fact that Brenda was so formidable in that challenge painted the target on her back in Andrea's eyes even further. Stop it, you two!

Tribal Council time...
Huzzah! That bitch Reynold is finally voted out.

Andrea starts thinking more seriously that now may be the time to take Brenda or Dawn out and talks to Cochran about it.
Probably not the best of ideas as Cochran is no dummy. Cochran runs straight to Brenda and Dawn and rats her out. What a dick...

Immunity Challenge #2
Ropey water key ladder puzzle fun challenge.
Sherri is a non-factor, of course. Your incompetence amuses me.
It's a race between Brenda and Eric, basically.
Eric takes it. He didn't really need it.

The Andrea vs Brenda plan is still swirling around which bred the converse Brenda vs Andrea counterplan. You rat bastards. My two remaining favorites at any point in time are always warring with each other. If either of these two get voted out, my next "favorite" on deck will surely get in a feud with the incumbent favorite. *sigh*

Andrea talks to Eric about the anti-Brenda plan.
It cracks me up that Eric says "we have the idol" after talking to Andrea like you're some kind of unit. You have nothing. She will not give that to you, you dunderhead. Seriously...even mice have the capacity for learning.

Tribal Council
Reynold! What is up with that pedo-stache, bro.
It's votey time.
Brenda gets two, Eddie gets two, and Andrea gets two, to which she exclaims, "WHAT?!"
She should have used her immunity idol because she gets that third vote and is out...
Consarn it!

Alright Brenda, you're in my number one spot now. Your objective...take out Cochran. He's smart. You're smart. He's gonna turn on you. You gotta surround yourself with a band of merry idiots. Might I suggest Eric. Ah Eric Boosh!