Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 11

"Now I never have to use the phrase Stealth-R-US ever again."
~Cochran

My sentiments exactly.

It's interesting returning from Tribal Council. No one even seems mad about this.

Morning comes, and it's kinda rough on everybody.
Everybody's hungry and full of sad feels.
Brenda kind of breaks down a little bit.

Food auction! Just in time.

Everybody is is super quick to bid $500 on stuff.
Malcolm buys a clue to another hidden immumity idol.
Andrea buys spaghetti and wine but gives it up when given the option to get beans and rice for the tribe.
Andrea is also good people.
Cochran buys an advantage in the next immunity challenge.
Brenda buys...pig brains and takes it back with her to eat. Get dat protein.
$20 will buy you a letter from home. Everybody who blew their money early feels like jackasses.
Eddie buys a bowl of peanut butter to be shared amongst everyone.

They all stuff their hands into this vat of peanut butter and smear it all over their faces and whatnot.
PLUS, when they get home...
I think it's hilarious that they all slough off their dirty hand peanut butter to save it for later.

Survivor peanut butter makes rational people disregard all concerns over sanitation and etiquette and has been known to make chicks get naked.
If you ever try to market Survivor Peanut Butter, feel free to use that as your slogan...or perhaps you might need to put it on some sort of warning label.

Back at camp, everybody that has their letters reads them and cries. Everybody that didn't get a letter cries on the inside. So many feels.

Reynold's trying to talk pretty to Sherri.
Funny since y'all hated each other for weeks.

Malcolm goes out looking for the idol in the middle of the night.
Andrea and Cochran catch him in the morning.
Andrea just sits around, preventing Malcolm from looking. lol

"You're like a little sister I can't get rid of."
~Malcolm

I enjoy this very much.

Immunity Challenge
Hold a rope tied to a big ass log that weighs 1/3rd of your starting body weight.
Wow! Cochran wins immunity...and after Eddie said that he's no physical threat.
Don't you look dumb...well, slightly more than usual.
Well worth it, that advantage. Well played, Cochran.

Cochran's a little cocky after the win though. Calm down, big boy.
Sherri's pretty flip floppy or at least open to the idea of being flip floppy. (That sounds gross.)
They want to vote Andrea.
Quit it. Quit it right now.

Dawn plays Eric with some Mom guilt. Yeah, you keep that goober in line.
Eric is wishy washy. Not sure what he'll do. He's been known to make bad decisions. (A bad decision that was probably my favorite moment in all of Survivor, by the way.)

Cochran has the right idea. Vote for someone completely. They have no idol. No splitty the votey.
Sherri hilariously thinks she's calling the shots. You're not calling the shots. You're a potential swing vote if certain people who are calling shots decide to split votes.
I guess it's that kind of lying to oneself that keeps you from wallowing in a pit of despair when you're bad at everything. Sherri boosh!

Tribal Council
Please don't split votes...
They split votes. 3 way tie!
You're lucky none of those flippy flopping wishy washers decided to jump ship.
A revote happens, and they apparently had a plan.
Damn...it's Malcolm...
You was my boy, man! Hate to see you go, but if you would have been successful, that means that bitch Reynold would have been successful as well...and that, I cannot abide.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 10

After that ridiculous Tribal Council, Malcolm is clearly shunned along with the two dunder heads.

Dawn freaks out crying.
She lost a retainer in the water. Apparently she's missing some teef. We don't care, yo.
No worries! Brenda to the rescue! She helps her look for it and finds it in the water. Brenda is good people.

Reward Challenge
It involves mud, balls, rice, and basket hoops.
Sherri is the slowest balance beamer ever. How are you still here?
Malcolm wastes a lot of time, supposedly to save time for others later. Didn't quite work.
Eric, Cochran, Reynold, Dawn, and Phillip win easily.

On the reward...
Phillip jumps in to this clean pool without showering off first, and a cloud of gross follows him. You nasty. Y'all nasty, but at least they showered off some of the nasty.
Food is eaten. Everyone sleeps on the ground...except for Dawn. She doesn't sleep...she waits.

The next day, Dawn is starting to freak out.
She thinks Andrea is after her.
Dawn will not be a target unless she let's the crazy show.
She's paranoid for no reason, but the paranoia itself is making her a target. Ironical.
Thankfully, she gets a full night's sleep, and it kind of fixes her brain.

Immunity Challenge
It's a weird challenge where you do laps running on top of a dock, swim under the dock, rinse, repeat.
Reynold wins, which puts a little pebble in the Stealth-R-US machine.

Phillip is convinced that Malcolm doesn't have an idol. Ha! He's a rull good liar.
He's looking for the extra one just so he doesn't have to use the one nobody knows about.
He actually finds it in front of everybody. New possibilities emerge!

Tribal Council
Much talky talk about the fact that Malcolm, Reynold, and Eddie are on the bottom.
Malcolm flaunts the idol he just found and brings out his super secret immunity idol and gives it to Eddie.
Wow.
Nobody knows what the hell to do now.
A lot of people whisper about Andrea. NOOOO, you bastards.

Malcolm says that Phillip is who the "three amigos" are going to vote for.
This is amazing.
Yes. Vote Phillip. Everybody please vote Phillip.

Phillip says they should stick with the original plan. Pretty dumb, but I like it. Go with that.

They vote.
Both Malcolm and Eddie play their idols.

Fucking amazing...
The others do stick with their original plan, the three boys vote Phillip, and all the other votes don't count because they're for Malcolm and Eddie.
Fucking amazing...
Phillip is gone. I hoped this day would come.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 9

Reynold is trying to be all flirty with Andrea. Fuck your shit. She's smarter than your dumb ass.

Phillip said Sherri is hot. What's going on here with everyone?

Sherri's inducted into Stealth-R-US.
She seems taken in by it.
I hate when you people take him seriously. Roll your eyes at him like any normal person would.

Reward Challenge
Some kind of dock jumping water hand soccer. Yep, that's what it is.
The game is pretty easy. Throw high.
Purple wins.

Eddie, Cochran, Reynold, Michael, and Eric get to go repel down a waterfall and have a picnic lunch as their reward.
Cochran isn't nearly as smooth as the others with the repelling, but he did alright.

The bros try to get Cochran on their side by dissing on the women. Reynold. Fuck your shit two times.
I'm glad Cochran says that bro BS isn't going to work with him at all.
He says he doesn't want to engage in "masculine tomfoolery with these numbskulls." lol Good on ya.

Malcolm starts to work Sherri while back at camp.
He's working on Dawn too.
I'm a little worried about involving her. She's the one that blew the whistle on your last plan, mayne.

She wants to take Malcolm out...
Knew it.
She tells Andrea and Phillip the whole tale.

Shit...you barked up the wrong tree. Quit hitching your wagon to assholes and stool pigeons, Malcolm.
Now that the cat's out of the bag, Phillip is even more convinced of his own awesomeness, like he did something.

Andrea and Eddie start hanging out.
She's trying to get information about Malcolm out of him.
He's a little more sly than I gave him credit for, keeping ahold of all the good information.

Immunity Challenge
Oh my God...water drowning calm test. I'm stressed out just thinking about it.
Float under a grate as the tide rises and try not to freak out as water goes up your face holes. Brutal.
Brenda and Andrea are the final two.
Damn...Andrea is a fighter, man, but Brenda is super zen.
Brenda wins. Wow...good work.

Andrea and Malcolm are lying to each other all day.
The pattern is lie lie lie to each other and then tell Dawn everything.

NOOOO!!!
Malcolm wants to take Andrea out.
I'm rooting for you two, you ass!

Reynold tries to strong arm Dawn into voting with them. Shows her the idol.
This is a new Dawn though. She won't be bullied, and she's going to be sneaky.

Andrea needs to not tell Eddie stuff. She was doing a fairly good job of keeping her cards close to the vest. Keep playing that pretty dummy.
Said dummy tells her that her name's been brought up, and all that good judgement and secret holding starts to waiver though.
She's switching shit up last minute.
Calm your tits!

Tribal Council
More Stealth-R-US talk. Phillip...please kindly shut up.

He makes some valid points about there being a bunch of people left to vote your ass off if you bail on your alliance though.

Malcolm looks visibly concerned. He changes his mind last minute and votes Reynold.

I'm not sure what's going on...




WHAT THE SHIT?!
Jeff asks if anyone would like to use an Immunity Idol, and Reynold stands up.
Malcolm pleas to Reynold that he should give the Idol to him, and the crazy bastard does it!
OH my...
There are votes for Andrea, Reynold, and Michael.
Wow.
Just wow.
Michael is voted out.
Neither Malcolm nor Reynold were really in danger after all that nonsense.
There's going to be some shit that shakes loose after this Tribal Council, for sho.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 8

Phillip keeps up the ruse that he threw the challenge.
Nobody believes him and rightly so.

The merge happens and the Orange team heads over to the Purple beach.
Y'all are green now.

Phillip talks to Andrea about alliance things.
Corinne tells Malcolm of Phillip's days of craziness past.

Ooh! Food challenge! Survivor Season 1 style!
Eddie thinks it's gonna gross chicks out by participating, while Cochran thinks it'll help him with the ladies. Not sure if that logic is sound. lol

FOOD 1. Beetle larva...gross.
Malcolm looks like he's eating chips. No biggie.
Andrea gets it down first. Well done!

FOOD 2. Ship worms...way worse.

FOOD 3. Balut egg...I don't think I could eat that.
Cochran eats it no prob. Who is this guy?!
Malcolm finishes second to get in the final round.

FOOD 4. Pig Brains.

Foul...

Cochran wins! Isn't that cute? Cochran has a skill.
...and it's disgusting.

Phillip is talking split vote again.
Just get out Sherri first. Easy peasy.
Cochran is kind of dubious about Corinne's intentions, as he should be.

"I want to throat punch him everyday", says Corinne about Phillip. lolol

OH NO!!!
DAWN IS RATTING OUT CORINNE! She kept quiet last season and doesn't want the house of cards to fall for the same reason this season.

Now there's talking...so much talking.
I don't know who I want to win this battle.
I like Malcolm and Andrea best, but they're on opposite sides of this feud.

Corinne talks too much. I blame her for this.

We come to the vote, and 5 Sherri votes come up.
Corinne has a knowing grin plastered on her face.
Then Corinne's name comes up.
It's Phillip's turn to have the knowing grin.
Corinne's eyes squint as the gears in her head start turning.
More Corinne votes are revealed, and it becomes clear to her what's happening.
You're boned.

Blind side!
Trickery!

I've decided I'm okay with this. Malcolm is smart enough to work this situation. I don't want him paling up with those dicks, Reynold and Eddie, anyway.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 7

Corinne hates Phillip. Phillip hates Corinne. That seems about right.

Phillip really thinks highly of himself. Deceptive strength or something, he says he has. Very confident heading into the challenge. I hope he fails miserably.

He actually challenges Cochran to arm wrestle, like that's some kind of test.

At the Reward Challenge, they're carrying shit around in a circle, trying to catch up to the other team.
A game of stamina, for which Purple team has none.
Purple team decides not to run ever.
I'm not sure what the hell they thought they were going to be able to do.

Sorry...I shouldn't say they. Everybody but Phillip thought it was a recipe for a loss. Terrible strategy. Orange team wins easily.
Phillip seemed to want to save his strength for some turbo boost that never came. Hey bro, the game is over. Whatever you were waiting on...you missed it.

Orange team gets a nice reward with lots of food.
Eric falls asleep on the ground with a cookie in his hand. lol He looks so happy.

Corinne calls Phillip a tubby lunchbox along with many other humorous analogies for fat and unathletic.

Malcolm tries to talk up Reynold. He gets in his good graces so easily. Reynold readily just offers the knowledge that he has an idol.
Reynold...you an idiot. AND a bitch...I still haven't forgot that you were a bitch.

Julia is Phillip's buddy/potential double agent for some unknown reason.
She talks to Dawn about Phillip's talky talk though.
Dawn tells Phillip that Julia told her what he and her were talking about, which stirs the turd.
Julia went from "Who the fuck cares about Julia?" to "Let's vote Julia out." lol Good work, dummy. Your strategy of being mute was working way better.

Immunity Challenge
Purple team is rull bad at boats. They about capsize it twice.
Reynold's pretty good with a grappeling hook. It comes down to Phillip and Reynold again.
Orange wins. Duh. They're fit as hell.

Back at camp, Phillip claims that he threw the challenge.
You're a lying asshole.
Maybe not lying...delusional. You're a delusional asshole.
You know...if you won, you wouldn't have to pick off your own people quite so soon. You're gonna run out of buffer pretty soon.
Phillip wants to split the vote between Michael and Julia.
Corinne doesn't want to split the votes.
It's kind of stupid to split the votes. You know they don't have idols, and it easily leaves the opportunity for a tie vote.

Phillip and Corine are going to blow up on each other. It's only a matter of time.

A revote is required at Tribal.
3 Michael, 3 Julia.
Corinne clearly voted Julia.

Revote happens. Julia is out. Way to stick to your guns, Corinne. Crazy Phillip is not going to be happy though.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 6

Back from the Immunity Challenge/impromptu Tribal Council. There is much talky talk about Brandon's departure. Yes. We can all agree. Dude cray.

Bearded guy, Matt, kisses a little ass before a team switch is announced. Good move...maybe.

Team switch up time. All the big dogs are on the orange team. I think I'm going to have to go with orange.

Over at the orange camp...
Reynold and Eddie tell all the things to Eric and Malcolm.
Sherri tells all the things to Andrea and Brenda.
Favorites are gonna to pick them off. NO DOUBT.

This episode was very quotable. Ahem...
"Most people underestimate me because of my pink underwear."
~Phillip

"He needs a warm glass of shut the hell up."
~Corinne (regarding Phillip)

Immunity Challenge
Run, roll some boxes over, stack said boxes up and have them spell things.
Orange is dominant. Not surprised.
Purple is "pathetic", as Jeff says
They waste lots of time discussi...well...arguing what box goes up first only to have it be the total wrong one. lols, Purple. lols.

Purple's going to Tribal, and there is much ass kissing to Phillip going on. Matt is listening to Phillip's Stealth-R-Us bullshit.
Thank goodness he is only acting like he's taking it seriously. I lose mad respect for you when you take Phillip seriously, people.
Good acting, bro.

Much talky talk happens at camp with lots of lie-y lies to go with it.
Either Julia or Matt seems to be in trouble.
Corinne went a little Mean Girls on Julia to the camera. I see why people don't like you, but you're mildly entertaining, so I still hope you last longer than Phillip.

Tribal Council
Question: How can Corinne look more slutty while wearing more clothes than usual? Quite a feat.
She says she'd like to swap some of the new people into her current alliance. Kissing the ass of the newbies and kicking your current buddies in the boingloings isn't the best strategy. Kind of a douchey couple sentences there, Corinne.

They vote off Matt. That was tricky. All that ass kissing did you nothing. You got voted out AND you have all that doodie on your face. Raw deal.
Julia is kind of a wuss in challenges. I don't think keeping her around is going to be helpful to your longevity y'all.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 5

Brandon's fucking crazy. That's the moral of this story. Telling people he wants to quit is only the beginning. He also fesses up to thinking about burning the shelter down and peeing in the beans. Yep. Crazy.

Morning comes and he's changed his mind. That's why you don't make these type of bullshit decisions out loud. Ponder them, bitch. You know it's gonna change. Well...at least WE know it's gonna change because we know you're out your damn mind. Wait five minutes.

Reward Challenge time.

Two members from each team hold a net up, one person per net. Members of the opposing tribe huck coconuts into the net. It gets heavy. Hold on til you can't hold on no more.

Phillip yells things while they're throwing coconuts in his basket. Seems to work.
Jeff says Sherri is worthless in the challenge. Accurate.
Phillip hangs on and the Favorites win again.
Fans look pretty much crushed.

Back from the challenge...
Holy damn. Reynold finds the rehidden Immunity Idol. I thought they were dumb for looking again.
He tells Eddie that he found it. I'm calling this right now. You shouldn't tell anyone about these things. Prepare your ass. Something's going to bite it soon.

Uh-oh. Brandon is pissed again. Why am I not surprised?
Brandon is butthurt that Phillip was talking about the challenge. More than that. He was butthurt that Phillip was insinuating that he won the challenge.
Phillip was the last man standing. We were there. That happened.
Get over it.
You got out first because they targeted you first. You helped. No one said you didn't. Holy damn.

Then...
Rain. Lots of rain. Pruny feet. Matt's feet look grody.

Morning comes. Brandon is stewing...in his mind. There's discussion of throwing the challenge. Andrea tells Brandon there was discussion of this. This can't end well.

And...Brandon dumps out all the food...

Brandon is such a scumbag. A crazy crazy scumbag.

Lots of talky talk at the Immunity Challenge.
Brandon yells and screams.
Corinne tells Jeff that they're going to forfeit the challenge in order to deal with their tribal issues.
Jeff has Brandon come over and talk it out...and get him away from people that might have punchable faces.
Andrea breaks down a little bit.
More yelling.
Brandon gets crazy eyes...
Jeff institutes an impromptu Tribal Council, right there at the Immunity Challenge.
Verbal vote and Brandon is voted out.
Whoa...

Brandon says he's proud of how he played...that he didn't take any crap, and he was happy with how he went out. Yeah...we'll see at the reunion show. You're gonna watch this back and realize you looked like the biggest asshole on Asshole Mountain.

Quite an ending. Well done, Survivor. After 25 seasons, I'm surprised that I still get to say, "Wow. That's never happened before."