Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Finale

Walking away from Tribal Council, Erik is feeling like he's spinning. No bueno.
Jeff makes an unexpected appearance, which is generally bad news.
Erik's pulse is slow, his blood pressure is low, and they put an intravenous line in his arm.
The medic will not allow Erik to continue in his present condition, and they pull him from the game.

Farewell Erik.
Jeff tells the remaining group that they now each have a 1 in 4 shot.
Dawn looks sad.
Cochran looks smug.
Fuck you, Cochran.

Cochran thinks he needs to get in tight with Eddie now.
Eddie suggests he, Cochran, and Sherri should go to the end.

I've realized I'm semi-rooting for Eddie at this point.
That probably means he's the next one out.

Final Reward Challenge
They hold up a seesaw platform thing while building a wood block house of cards up to a certain marker.
The lead changes numerous times as people's house of cards come crashing down. Cochran wins after many retries by everyone.
His reward is an advantage in the coming Immunity Challenge.

"I am the challenge beast." Cochran says.
You're going to have to throw all your hats away when you get home because your head will have gotten way too big for them.

"I'm locked. Locked to you." Dawn keeps saying to Cochran, looking for reassurance.
He's not locked to you, crazy.

Cochran is paranoid too, and says "There's no scenario in which I'm voting you off. It's the same way for you, right?"
You better not vote her off now.
As long as you didn't straight up say that, you'd be less scum should that be your decision.
But he says to the camera, "She should be paranoid because I'm considering ditching her."
You're both lying assholes.

Walk of remembering fallen tribe members time. Let's all say nice things about people we didn't really like and/or barely remember.

Final Immunity Challenge time
The challenge is to run up stairs, untie a bag of puzzle pieces, slide down a slide, repeat for two additional bags of puzzle pieces, untie and dump out bags, and build a puzzle that looks like a flame.
Cochran's advantage he won is that there are no knots to untie to retrieve his bags.
Ooh, that's serious time savings.
Cochran falls down some stairs but doesn't seem too affected.
There are some brutal tumbles at the bottom of that slide for all involved.
Come on Eddie!
All the people have their puzzle pieces before Cochran gets his first puzzle piece in. His advantage has evaporated.
Dawn starts making headway, but Cochran catches up. Sherri is surprisingly not terrible with the puzzle, and Eddie has taken up the role of Sherri. You know...terrible at stuff.
Cochran pulls ahead and secures the win.

Dawn hugs and cries and whatever, so happy he won.
You shouldn't be.
You're fucked.
He's in the final.
Dawn, listen to me, you're fucked.

God...Dawn starts crying again when they're back at camp.
Cochran keeps assuring her that he's locked.
Dawn says a part of her doesn't feel she deserves it.
You're right.
You don't.
Think about Brenda, you fucking dick.

Tribal Council
Glad to see Erik is okay and at Tribal Council.
Eddie makes a good case that Dawn has a good chance to win and simultaneously puts his own self down in a humorous manner.
The votes go:
Dawn
Eddie
Eddie
Eddie

Sorry Eddie. I screwed you over by rooting for you. It is my curse.

Cochran kept his word, I guess.
That makes you slightly less scum than Dawn.

The final three gets some food and bask in the fact that they've reached this point.
Dawn thinks it's a storybook ending.
Storybook? Really? What is this storybook? "How to Succeed as a Skeevy Asshole"?

At the final Tribal Council...
Sherri's opening statements are like...I don't even have words to describe them... What are you even saying?
She starts breaking down and word vomiting that she's so nervous.
No one knows what she's talking about. Quiet down. No one takes you seriously anyway.

Cochran's knowledge and love of Survivor show through in his opening arguments. Pretty good overall.

Dawn talked. I don't really care what she said. Moving on.

Malcolm:
Malcolm doesn't have a question for Dawn but tells her that she can't be "warm mother of 6 who stabs people in the back". She did terrible things and has to own it in order to get his vote.

He asks Cochran "What do you have that I don't have?", and Cochran's answer is insecurity.

Eddie:
Eddie asks Sherri if she thinks she got carried to the Final 3.
Her reply is "No".
Everyone laughs.
Yep. You a joke. Everybody knows it but you.

Regarding Dawn, he calls her weak and paranoid. Accurate.
Dawn says that it was her strategy to vote each person out "regardless of how I feel or what they've done for me."
Fuck you.

Phillip:
He informs Sherri she is no longer a member of Stealth-R-Us. Everyone laughs.

He then mocks Dawn for freaking out about people going to vote for her each and every day and says she was very disruptive. Accurate.

Cochran gets off easy. He simply tells Cochran he enjoyed playing the game with him.

Erik:
Erik expresses to Dawn that he thought they had something but says "after the vote with Brenda, what we had, you crushed it, it wasn't genuine."
How are you feeling about your betrayal now? Everybody pretty much hates yo face.

He moves onto Sherri and states that nobody's asking about her strategy, and he wants to know if she knows why.
She gets all pissy. Says "I don't need your help." and "You can sit down."
Fuck you, Sherri. Before I just thought you were worthless. Now I think I'll add clueless and kind of a bitch to that list.

Michael:
Dawn totally owns the villain role when answering Michael's question. She states that Cochran didn't have as much blood on his hands.
She boasts that she had the relationships to get the information necessary to make the strategic decisions, and with Cochran, there would be times, "he just had to show up and say 'How should I vote?'"

Cochran disputes her words, and says "If I hadn't been your therapist, I don't think you'd still be in this game." Probably accurate.

Reynold:
Reynold comes straight out and tells Dawn that he doesn't like her and that she's not genuine. Ah Boosh.
His question to her is what she actually thinks about him. He requests she give three adjectives.
She goes with: chauvinistic, great sense of humor, and vulgar.

Andrea:
Andrea was a bit of a shocker. She said that she's not bitter. "I have no mean words."
She gives them props for blindsiding her with an idol in her bag. "It was awesome." she says.

She asks Cochran what animal best represented the way he played Survivor. His answer is chameleon. Good choice.

Surprisingly, she addresses Dawn, telling her that she's proud of her. I still think you're a scumbag, Dawn, but that is neither here nor there.

Brenda:
Brenda is still probably the most hurt, as well she should be. She says that with the family visit that she gave them something, and then they turned around and took something from her.
Cochran tries to explain how he's separated the game from emotion. He felt that was an emotional gift that he's thankful for, but what it came down to was that he took out his biggest strategic threat.

Onto Dawn...
"Getting voted out by you, Dawn, is where the the pain came."
She brings up the retainer incident, where Dawn said she would have pulled herself from the game if she didn't get her retainer back.
Brenda asks if she really would have given up.
"No." Dawn says.
"Prove it to me." Brenda responds and tells her she wants her to take out her teeth.
Dawn is immediately resistant and puts up a fight.
Brenda says that "if it's not that big a deal, prove it to me."
Dawn continues to refuse, as Brenda keeps saying "Let's do it."
She finally submits and removes her retainer, revealing her bottom four teeth or so are missing.
That's a big ol hole.

Thus concludes the Question and Answer portion of Tribal Council. Voting time ensues, and Jeff scurries off with the votes that will be read weeks and weeks later.

Reunion time!
The votes are in. Cochran after Cochran after Cochran are pulled out of the jar. It's a landslide. No one else even got a smell.
Of the three that remained, this was the best that I could have hoped for.
But know this, I would have been much happier should Malcolm, Andrea, or Brenda won. Just sayin...

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 13

Back from Tribal Council, and there is discussion swirling around about Cochran being a possible next vote. I'd be okay with this.
Dawn is conflicted as they've been buds, but what else is new? Dawn is conflicted. Call the papers.

Erik is starting to go a little crazy around camp.
He feels trapped in the "most beautiful prison" imaginable and stares at the coconuts in the tree with contempt. He says they're laughing at him.
In an attempt to show those smart ass coconuts who's boss, he tries to climb up a ridiculously high tree to get them.
He does not succeed in his mission, but he also doesn't die. That's the best we could have hoped for.

Tree mail brings videos from home which alleviates some of the crazy.

They head to their Reward Challenge, where they'll be united with their loved ones.
Brenda is so happy to see her dad that Jeff gets a little choked up at the sight.
Cochran acknowledges the thoughts in my mind by apologizing to his mother that he smells. I bet it's rull bad.

In Survivor tradition, this reward will be played with your loved one. Cochran's mother immediately apologizes for their inevitable loss. Haha! Way to bring the heat, Mom.
The challenge involves spinning poles off a post. You do this three times, put them on a rack, then huck bolos at them. First team with three bolos on the poles wins.
As was foretold, Cochran and his mom are not good at this. They are so slow they have time to chit chat while spinning the poles off the posts. Challenges: You're doing them wrong.
Brenda and her dad end up winning, and her reward is a barbecue with her loved one, and she gets to pick one other survivor/loved one duo to accompany her.
She chooses Dawn and her husband.
But wait!
Jeff has a monkey wrench to throw into your happiness. For the first time ever, each Survivor has two loved ones here on the island, and Brenda is given a choice.
She can either go on the barbecue with her two loved ones and Dawn with her two loved ones, or she can choose to double loved one the rest of the tribe.
Very cruel. Her selflessness will also now impact Dawn.
She decides to give the love to the remaining four survivors: Cochran, Sherri, Eddie, and Erik.
Dawn is crushed.

I think the worst part is that the barbecue is just offshore, where Brenda and Dawn can easily see the merriment.
It's really rough for Dawn, but lots of things are rough for Dawn. She has a lot of feels.

After the wonderful day Brenda has gifted to them, Cochran is starting to think Brenda has garnered too many karma points. She's very likable now, and he thinks should be voted out.
You fucking asshole...

Immunity Challenge
Standing on a dock, leaning over the water, and holding onto a handle behind your back, you must hold on as long as possible as Jeff slowly lets out the rope, making it suckier to hold on to.
I'm definitely rooting for Brenda because I don't trust these mofos.
Erik is clearly going to wuss out early and asks for food practically immediately. There ain't none, son!
Cochran is out first, followed by Eddie shortly after. Erik is next, and only the ladies remain.
Sherri doesn't last much longer and Dawn asks Brenda if they can strike a deal. She wants Brenda to let her have this one since she has never won one.
Brenda is no quitter and doesn't really consider voluntarily quitting.
She ends up falling, which makes me worried for her. Cochran is untrustable.

As expected, Cochran still thinks it's a good idea to get Brenda out now.
True. She's not expecting it. It will probably be harder to blindside her after Eddie's gone, but you're forgetting the part about this making you backstabbing motherfuckers.
Dawn...you said you wouldn't vote for Brenda. I remember this. Do you? When you went crazy because you lost your teef?

Tribal Council
I think Brenda should start worrying. Their words indicate thoughts. Deceitful thoughts.
I wish you had an idol to play...
The vote happens, and it's 2 for Eddie, 1 for Erik, and 3 for Brenda.
I hate all of you.
You guys all suck.
"It hurts" were Brenda's parting words.
Scum.
You're scum.
Fuck all of you.
I don't like any of you, and I don't have any preference regarding which one of you assholes wins.

Cochran: Sneaky, clever motherfucker. STATUS - Dead to me.
Dawn: Weepy, lying headcase. STATUS - Dead to me.
Sherri: Worthless and weak. STATUS - How the fuck are you still here?
Eddie: Strongish moron and last remaining Amigo. STATUS - Cockroach: He just will not go away.
Erik: Naive dunderhead that dabbles in insanity. STATUS - Not playing the game has gotten him farther than it ever should have.

At least Erik didn't vote for Brenda. I hate you the least, but you have done nothing to deserve winning.
This finale is shaping up to be anger inducing.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 12

Reynold and Eddie are still standing. Like cockroaches, you two are.

Andrea keeps throwing Brenda's name around for elimination, and I don't like it. There's two perfectly good lambs for slaughter available. Slow your roll.

Survivor likes to keep people on their toes. They don't like you getting too comfortable with the routine. You just voted someone off, and tree mail arrives. You think it's about a Reward Challenge. Haha! No. Fuck you. Immunity Challenge time happens immediately. Survivor drops the mic. Survivor drops all the mics.

Immunity Challenge is a floaty triangle balance test.
My guess is that a girl will take this challenge. I'd like to see some Survivor stats on balance challenges. Girls clean up on those challenges, yo.

Eric and Eddie bail for a few donuts. I never quite understand why two people agree to go out at the same time during one of those temptations. You do realize that you get half the donuts now? I don't know why I'm so surprised. You two aren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer.
Cochran follows suit for some hotdogs. He doesn't really want the hotdogs. He's basically just pussing out.
Reynold saves his ass numerous times with a flaily dance. It's only a matter of time. You going down, bro.
Andrea and Brenda are the last two standing.
Brenda doesn't want to just bow out. I can respect that.
They stand up there so long they decide to make up their own next level rules and go at it. They'd probably be at it for days otherwise.
Brenda falls off after they both decide to lift their left foot. Andrea is safe, and as a reward, she gets a clue to find a newly hidden immunity idol.

As a condition of the let's just end this shit immunity truce, a promise was made to share the immunity idol clue. Andrea didn't want to share it with anybody, but since she had to share it with Brenda, she goes ahead and shares it with everybody in her "alliance".
They go out and look for it as a group. Field trip!
Eric actually finds the idol rather quickly and immediately hands it to Andrea. What a doofus. I don't think he's any wiser this time around.

The fact that Brenda was so formidable in that challenge painted the target on her back in Andrea's eyes even further. Stop it, you two!

Tribal Council time...
Huzzah! That bitch Reynold is finally voted out.

Andrea starts thinking more seriously that now may be the time to take Brenda or Dawn out and talks to Cochran about it.
Probably not the best of ideas as Cochran is no dummy. Cochran runs straight to Brenda and Dawn and rats her out. What a dick...

Immunity Challenge #2
Ropey water key ladder puzzle fun challenge.
Sherri is a non-factor, of course. Your incompetence amuses me.
It's a race between Brenda and Eric, basically.
Eric takes it. He didn't really need it.

The Andrea vs Brenda plan is still swirling around which bred the converse Brenda vs Andrea counterplan. You rat bastards. My two remaining favorites at any point in time are always warring with each other. If either of these two get voted out, my next "favorite" on deck will surely get in a feud with the incumbent favorite. *sigh*

Andrea talks to Eric about the anti-Brenda plan.
It cracks me up that Eric says "we have the idol" after talking to Andrea like you're some kind of unit. You have nothing. She will not give that to you, you dunderhead. Seriously...even mice have the capacity for learning.

Tribal Council
Reynold! What is up with that pedo-stache, bro.
It's votey time.
Brenda gets two, Eddie gets two, and Andrea gets two, to which she exclaims, "WHAT?!"
She should have used her immunity idol because she gets that third vote and is out...
Consarn it!

Alright Brenda, you're in my number one spot now. Your objective...take out Cochran. He's smart. You're smart. He's gonna turn on you. You gotta surround yourself with a band of merry idiots. Might I suggest Eric. Ah Eric Boosh!

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 11

"Now I never have to use the phrase Stealth-R-US ever again."
~Cochran

My sentiments exactly.

It's interesting returning from Tribal Council. No one even seems mad about this.

Morning comes, and it's kinda rough on everybody.
Everybody's hungry and full of sad feels.
Brenda kind of breaks down a little bit.

Food auction! Just in time.

Everybody is is super quick to bid $500 on stuff.
Malcolm buys a clue to another hidden immumity idol.
Andrea buys spaghetti and wine but gives it up when given the option to get beans and rice for the tribe.
Andrea is also good people.
Cochran buys an advantage in the next immunity challenge.
Brenda buys...pig brains and takes it back with her to eat. Get dat protein.
$20 will buy you a letter from home. Everybody who blew their money early feels like jackasses.
Eddie buys a bowl of peanut butter to be shared amongst everyone.

They all stuff their hands into this vat of peanut butter and smear it all over their faces and whatnot.
PLUS, when they get home...
I think it's hilarious that they all slough off their dirty hand peanut butter to save it for later.

Survivor peanut butter makes rational people disregard all concerns over sanitation and etiquette and has been known to make chicks get naked.
If you ever try to market Survivor Peanut Butter, feel free to use that as your slogan...or perhaps you might need to put it on some sort of warning label.

Back at camp, everybody that has their letters reads them and cries. Everybody that didn't get a letter cries on the inside. So many feels.

Reynold's trying to talk pretty to Sherri.
Funny since y'all hated each other for weeks.

Malcolm goes out looking for the idol in the middle of the night.
Andrea and Cochran catch him in the morning.
Andrea just sits around, preventing Malcolm from looking. lol

"You're like a little sister I can't get rid of."
~Malcolm

I enjoy this very much.

Immunity Challenge
Hold a rope tied to a big ass log that weighs 1/3rd of your starting body weight.
Wow! Cochran wins immunity...and after Eddie said that he's no physical threat.
Don't you look dumb...well, slightly more than usual.
Well worth it, that advantage. Well played, Cochran.

Cochran's a little cocky after the win though. Calm down, big boy.
Sherri's pretty flip floppy or at least open to the idea of being flip floppy. (That sounds gross.)
They want to vote Andrea.
Quit it. Quit it right now.

Dawn plays Eric with some Mom guilt. Yeah, you keep that goober in line.
Eric is wishy washy. Not sure what he'll do. He's been known to make bad decisions. (A bad decision that was probably my favorite moment in all of Survivor, by the way.)

Cochran has the right idea. Vote for someone completely. They have no idol. No splitty the votey.
Sherri hilariously thinks she's calling the shots. You're not calling the shots. You're a potential swing vote if certain people who are calling shots decide to split votes.
I guess it's that kind of lying to oneself that keeps you from wallowing in a pit of despair when you're bad at everything. Sherri boosh!

Tribal Council
Please don't split votes...
They split votes. 3 way tie!
You're lucky none of those flippy flopping wishy washers decided to jump ship.
A revote happens, and they apparently had a plan.
Damn...it's Malcolm...
You was my boy, man! Hate to see you go, but if you would have been successful, that means that bitch Reynold would have been successful as well...and that, I cannot abide.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 10

After that ridiculous Tribal Council, Malcolm is clearly shunned along with the two dunder heads.

Dawn freaks out crying.
She lost a retainer in the water. Apparently she's missing some teef. We don't care, yo.
No worries! Brenda to the rescue! She helps her look for it and finds it in the water. Brenda is good people.

Reward Challenge
It involves mud, balls, rice, and basket hoops.
Sherri is the slowest balance beamer ever. How are you still here?
Malcolm wastes a lot of time, supposedly to save time for others later. Didn't quite work.
Eric, Cochran, Reynold, Dawn, and Phillip win easily.

On the reward...
Phillip jumps in to this clean pool without showering off first, and a cloud of gross follows him. You nasty. Y'all nasty, but at least they showered off some of the nasty.
Food is eaten. Everyone sleeps on the ground...except for Dawn. She doesn't sleep...she waits.

The next day, Dawn is starting to freak out.
She thinks Andrea is after her.
Dawn will not be a target unless she let's the crazy show.
She's paranoid for no reason, but the paranoia itself is making her a target. Ironical.
Thankfully, she gets a full night's sleep, and it kind of fixes her brain.

Immunity Challenge
It's a weird challenge where you do laps running on top of a dock, swim under the dock, rinse, repeat.
Reynold wins, which puts a little pebble in the Stealth-R-US machine.

Phillip is convinced that Malcolm doesn't have an idol. Ha! He's a rull good liar.
He's looking for the extra one just so he doesn't have to use the one nobody knows about.
He actually finds it in front of everybody. New possibilities emerge!

Tribal Council
Much talky talk about the fact that Malcolm, Reynold, and Eddie are on the bottom.
Malcolm flaunts the idol he just found and brings out his super secret immunity idol and gives it to Eddie.
Wow.
Nobody knows what the hell to do now.
A lot of people whisper about Andrea. NOOOO, you bastards.

Malcolm says that Phillip is who the "three amigos" are going to vote for.
This is amazing.
Yes. Vote Phillip. Everybody please vote Phillip.

Phillip says they should stick with the original plan. Pretty dumb, but I like it. Go with that.

They vote.
Both Malcolm and Eddie play their idols.

Fucking amazing...
The others do stick with their original plan, the three boys vote Phillip, and all the other votes don't count because they're for Malcolm and Eddie.
Fucking amazing...
Phillip is gone. I hoped this day would come.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 9

Reynold is trying to be all flirty with Andrea. Fuck your shit. She's smarter than your dumb ass.

Phillip said Sherri is hot. What's going on here with everyone?

Sherri's inducted into Stealth-R-US.
She seems taken in by it.
I hate when you people take him seriously. Roll your eyes at him like any normal person would.

Reward Challenge
Some kind of dock jumping water hand soccer. Yep, that's what it is.
The game is pretty easy. Throw high.
Purple wins.

Eddie, Cochran, Reynold, Michael, and Eric get to go repel down a waterfall and have a picnic lunch as their reward.
Cochran isn't nearly as smooth as the others with the repelling, but he did alright.

The bros try to get Cochran on their side by dissing on the women. Reynold. Fuck your shit two times.
I'm glad Cochran says that bro BS isn't going to work with him at all.
He says he doesn't want to engage in "masculine tomfoolery with these numbskulls." lol Good on ya.

Malcolm starts to work Sherri while back at camp.
He's working on Dawn too.
I'm a little worried about involving her. She's the one that blew the whistle on your last plan, mayne.

She wants to take Malcolm out...
Knew it.
She tells Andrea and Phillip the whole tale.

Shit...you barked up the wrong tree. Quit hitching your wagon to assholes and stool pigeons, Malcolm.
Now that the cat's out of the bag, Phillip is even more convinced of his own awesomeness, like he did something.

Andrea and Eddie start hanging out.
She's trying to get information about Malcolm out of him.
He's a little more sly than I gave him credit for, keeping ahold of all the good information.

Immunity Challenge
Oh my God...water drowning calm test. I'm stressed out just thinking about it.
Float under a grate as the tide rises and try not to freak out as water goes up your face holes. Brutal.
Brenda and Andrea are the final two.
Damn...Andrea is a fighter, man, but Brenda is super zen.
Brenda wins. Wow...good work.

Andrea and Malcolm are lying to each other all day.
The pattern is lie lie lie to each other and then tell Dawn everything.

NOOOO!!!
Malcolm wants to take Andrea out.
I'm rooting for you two, you ass!

Reynold tries to strong arm Dawn into voting with them. Shows her the idol.
This is a new Dawn though. She won't be bullied, and she's going to be sneaky.

Andrea needs to not tell Eddie stuff. She was doing a fairly good job of keeping her cards close to the vest. Keep playing that pretty dummy.
Said dummy tells her that her name's been brought up, and all that good judgement and secret holding starts to waiver though.
She's switching shit up last minute.
Calm your tits!

Tribal Council
More Stealth-R-US talk. Phillip...please kindly shut up.

He makes some valid points about there being a bunch of people left to vote your ass off if you bail on your alliance though.

Malcolm looks visibly concerned. He changes his mind last minute and votes Reynold.

I'm not sure what's going on...




WHAT THE SHIT?!
Jeff asks if anyone would like to use an Immunity Idol, and Reynold stands up.
Malcolm pleas to Reynold that he should give the Idol to him, and the crazy bastard does it!
OH my...
There are votes for Andrea, Reynold, and Michael.
Wow.
Just wow.
Michael is voted out.
Neither Malcolm nor Reynold were really in danger after all that nonsense.
There's going to be some shit that shakes loose after this Tribal Council, for sho.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 8

Phillip keeps up the ruse that he threw the challenge.
Nobody believes him and rightly so.

The merge happens and the Orange team heads over to the Purple beach.
Y'all are green now.

Phillip talks to Andrea about alliance things.
Corinne tells Malcolm of Phillip's days of craziness past.

Ooh! Food challenge! Survivor Season 1 style!
Eddie thinks it's gonna gross chicks out by participating, while Cochran thinks it'll help him with the ladies. Not sure if that logic is sound. lol

FOOD 1. Beetle larva...gross.
Malcolm looks like he's eating chips. No biggie.
Andrea gets it down first. Well done!

FOOD 2. Ship worms...way worse.

FOOD 3. Balut egg...I don't think I could eat that.
Cochran eats it no prob. Who is this guy?!
Malcolm finishes second to get in the final round.

FOOD 4. Pig Brains.

Foul...

Cochran wins! Isn't that cute? Cochran has a skill.
...and it's disgusting.

Phillip is talking split vote again.
Just get out Sherri first. Easy peasy.
Cochran is kind of dubious about Corinne's intentions, as he should be.

"I want to throat punch him everyday", says Corinne about Phillip. lolol

OH NO!!!
DAWN IS RATTING OUT CORINNE! She kept quiet last season and doesn't want the house of cards to fall for the same reason this season.

Now there's talking...so much talking.
I don't know who I want to win this battle.
I like Malcolm and Andrea best, but they're on opposite sides of this feud.

Corinne talks too much. I blame her for this.

We come to the vote, and 5 Sherri votes come up.
Corinne has a knowing grin plastered on her face.
Then Corinne's name comes up.
It's Phillip's turn to have the knowing grin.
Corinne's eyes squint as the gears in her head start turning.
More Corinne votes are revealed, and it becomes clear to her what's happening.
You're boned.

Blind side!
Trickery!

I've decided I'm okay with this. Malcolm is smart enough to work this situation. I don't want him paling up with those dicks, Reynold and Eddie, anyway.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 7

Corinne hates Phillip. Phillip hates Corinne. That seems about right.

Phillip really thinks highly of himself. Deceptive strength or something, he says he has. Very confident heading into the challenge. I hope he fails miserably.

He actually challenges Cochran to arm wrestle, like that's some kind of test.

At the Reward Challenge, they're carrying shit around in a circle, trying to catch up to the other team.
A game of stamina, for which Purple team has none.
Purple team decides not to run ever.
I'm not sure what the hell they thought they were going to be able to do.

Sorry...I shouldn't say they. Everybody but Phillip thought it was a recipe for a loss. Terrible strategy. Orange team wins easily.
Phillip seemed to want to save his strength for some turbo boost that never came. Hey bro, the game is over. Whatever you were waiting on...you missed it.

Orange team gets a nice reward with lots of food.
Eric falls asleep on the ground with a cookie in his hand. lol He looks so happy.

Corinne calls Phillip a tubby lunchbox along with many other humorous analogies for fat and unathletic.

Malcolm tries to talk up Reynold. He gets in his good graces so easily. Reynold readily just offers the knowledge that he has an idol.
Reynold...you an idiot. AND a bitch...I still haven't forgot that you were a bitch.

Julia is Phillip's buddy/potential double agent for some unknown reason.
She talks to Dawn about Phillip's talky talk though.
Dawn tells Phillip that Julia told her what he and her were talking about, which stirs the turd.
Julia went from "Who the fuck cares about Julia?" to "Let's vote Julia out." lol Good work, dummy. Your strategy of being mute was working way better.

Immunity Challenge
Purple team is rull bad at boats. They about capsize it twice.
Reynold's pretty good with a grappeling hook. It comes down to Phillip and Reynold again.
Orange wins. Duh. They're fit as hell.

Back at camp, Phillip claims that he threw the challenge.
You're a lying asshole.
Maybe not lying...delusional. You're a delusional asshole.
You know...if you won, you wouldn't have to pick off your own people quite so soon. You're gonna run out of buffer pretty soon.
Phillip wants to split the vote between Michael and Julia.
Corinne doesn't want to split the votes.
It's kind of stupid to split the votes. You know they don't have idols, and it easily leaves the opportunity for a tie vote.

Phillip and Corine are going to blow up on each other. It's only a matter of time.

A revote is required at Tribal.
3 Michael, 3 Julia.
Corinne clearly voted Julia.

Revote happens. Julia is out. Way to stick to your guns, Corinne. Crazy Phillip is not going to be happy though.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 6

Back from the Immunity Challenge/impromptu Tribal Council. There is much talky talk about Brandon's departure. Yes. We can all agree. Dude cray.

Bearded guy, Matt, kisses a little ass before a team switch is announced. Good move...maybe.

Team switch up time. All the big dogs are on the orange team. I think I'm going to have to go with orange.

Over at the orange camp...
Reynold and Eddie tell all the things to Eric and Malcolm.
Sherri tells all the things to Andrea and Brenda.
Favorites are gonna to pick them off. NO DOUBT.

This episode was very quotable. Ahem...
"Most people underestimate me because of my pink underwear."
~Phillip

"He needs a warm glass of shut the hell up."
~Corinne (regarding Phillip)

Immunity Challenge
Run, roll some boxes over, stack said boxes up and have them spell things.
Orange is dominant. Not surprised.
Purple is "pathetic", as Jeff says
They waste lots of time discussi...well...arguing what box goes up first only to have it be the total wrong one. lols, Purple. lols.

Purple's going to Tribal, and there is much ass kissing to Phillip going on. Matt is listening to Phillip's Stealth-R-Us bullshit.
Thank goodness he is only acting like he's taking it seriously. I lose mad respect for you when you take Phillip seriously, people.
Good acting, bro.

Much talky talk happens at camp with lots of lie-y lies to go with it.
Either Julia or Matt seems to be in trouble.
Corinne went a little Mean Girls on Julia to the camera. I see why people don't like you, but you're mildly entertaining, so I still hope you last longer than Phillip.

Tribal Council
Question: How can Corinne look more slutty while wearing more clothes than usual? Quite a feat.
She says she'd like to swap some of the new people into her current alliance. Kissing the ass of the newbies and kicking your current buddies in the boingloings isn't the best strategy. Kind of a douchey couple sentences there, Corinne.

They vote off Matt. That was tricky. All that ass kissing did you nothing. You got voted out AND you have all that doodie on your face. Raw deal.
Julia is kind of a wuss in challenges. I don't think keeping her around is going to be helpful to your longevity y'all.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 5

Brandon's fucking crazy. That's the moral of this story. Telling people he wants to quit is only the beginning. He also fesses up to thinking about burning the shelter down and peeing in the beans. Yep. Crazy.

Morning comes and he's changed his mind. That's why you don't make these type of bullshit decisions out loud. Ponder them, bitch. You know it's gonna change. Well...at least WE know it's gonna change because we know you're out your damn mind. Wait five minutes.

Reward Challenge time.

Two members from each team hold a net up, one person per net. Members of the opposing tribe huck coconuts into the net. It gets heavy. Hold on til you can't hold on no more.

Phillip yells things while they're throwing coconuts in his basket. Seems to work.
Jeff says Sherri is worthless in the challenge. Accurate.
Phillip hangs on and the Favorites win again.
Fans look pretty much crushed.

Back from the challenge...
Holy damn. Reynold finds the rehidden Immunity Idol. I thought they were dumb for looking again.
He tells Eddie that he found it. I'm calling this right now. You shouldn't tell anyone about these things. Prepare your ass. Something's going to bite it soon.

Uh-oh. Brandon is pissed again. Why am I not surprised?
Brandon is butthurt that Phillip was talking about the challenge. More than that. He was butthurt that Phillip was insinuating that he won the challenge.
Phillip was the last man standing. We were there. That happened.
Get over it.
You got out first because they targeted you first. You helped. No one said you didn't. Holy damn.

Then...
Rain. Lots of rain. Pruny feet. Matt's feet look grody.

Morning comes. Brandon is stewing...in his mind. There's discussion of throwing the challenge. Andrea tells Brandon there was discussion of this. This can't end well.

And...Brandon dumps out all the food...

Brandon is such a scumbag. A crazy crazy scumbag.

Lots of talky talk at the Immunity Challenge.
Brandon yells and screams.
Corinne tells Jeff that they're going to forfeit the challenge in order to deal with their tribal issues.
Jeff has Brandon come over and talk it out...and get him away from people that might have punchable faces.
Andrea breaks down a little bit.
More yelling.
Brandon gets crazy eyes...
Jeff institutes an impromptu Tribal Council, right there at the Immunity Challenge.
Verbal vote and Brandon is voted out.
Whoa...

Brandon says he's proud of how he played...that he didn't take any crap, and he was happy with how he went out. Yeah...we'll see at the reunion show. You're gonna watch this back and realize you looked like the biggest asshole on Asshole Mountain.

Quite an ending. Well done, Survivor. After 25 seasons, I'm surprised that I still get to say, "Wow. That's never happened before."

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 4

Whoa. Starting right out the gate, back from Tribal Council, Reynold and Eddie, both being bitches. "Let's see how many challenges you win without us." says Eddie. Um...probably about the same amount because you're not exactly winning...anything. Y'all aren't God's gift to Survivor, despite what your mothers might have told you.

Over on the Favorites side...Phillip and Brandon: Two peas in a pod. You both think you're masterminds but everybody else just thinks you cray.

But what the hell do I know? People seem to legitimately appreciate having a name bestowed upon them and get mighty cranky when names are dispensed willy nilly. It's some kind of bizarre Survivor status symbol.

Reward Challenge time! Laura is surprisingly bad at stepping on handheld platforms. She looks like she's playing "The Floor is Lava" or like a cat about to be hucked in some water.

Fans lose, but Shamar doesn't notice. "That's what I'm talking about!" he yells. Yeah man, way to lose. Lose like a champ!

For their reward, the Favorites get a "Filipino Gollum" to show them how to cook food more better. Cochran is kind of jealous of his superior lady skills. lols

Back at Camp Mopey, Shamar says they need to start bringing him rice every day. WTF
AND THEY FUCKING DO IT! Double WTF!

Later...
Youch! Shamar chopped his eyeball up with some sand and gets taken out of the game.
The tribe makes like they're sad, but I don't believe their we'll miss you type words. Y'all were gonna vote his ass off. Don't lie.

Immunity Challenge
Damn...Brandon is very spry running across those floaty platforms.
Everybody else is kind of crap at it.
Laura's kind of bad at everything.
Reynold makes up a huge amount of time, but Phillip pulls it out.
Favorites are victorious!

The Fan alliance of wusses is starting to splinter. Laura's dragging you down, dudes. Take her out.

Tribal Counci, Reynold plays the Hidden Immunity Idol. It's kind of wasted. Laura gets ousted easily because they finally wised up. Good move, Fans. She was dragging you down.

Survivor Caramoan - Fans vs Favorites: Episode 3

Back from tribal council, Allie has been voted out, and Reynold is all butt hurt that he wasn't as alpha as he once thought. Don't feel bad. Just know that you're controlling nothing, bro.

The evolution of Shamar in this episode went something like this:
Shamar is out his damn mind.
Nah...
But Shamar is hella angry.
Nah...
Shamar is just loud, yeah... He loud.
Damn, Shamar has seen some shit.
Shamar, I may not like you much, but I don't want to see you quit.
Also, Reynold, quit being a bitch.

Malcolm finds the immunity idol while looking for it with Corinne.
Andrea's a pretty smart cookie, and sees they're acting chummy. I'm rooting for Malcolm though, so kindly hush your face, Andrea.

Side note: I don't think the immunity idol hiders are trying that hard this season. They're probably depressed because no one bothers waiting for their clever clues anymore. Their spirits have been crushed, no doubt.

What's with all these immunity challenges ending in some kind of carnival game?
Toss the bag in the hole
Throw the hoop on the stick
Hook the ring on the knob

Yes, I said knob. It's a funny word. Point is, Favorites win. Boosh.

Newsflash: Shamar and Reynold have to fight again after the challenge. You're like a broken record, dudes. I want you both gone.
Again...Reynold, quit being a bitch.

Odd tribal council strategy in play. The plan is to split the vote: 3 votes for Hope and 3 votes Eddie, while knowing there's going to be a voting block of 3 voting for Shamar.
It's too early to start getting rid of strong people, so when push came to shove, Hope should have known she was in trouble if everything went as planned and there was a tie/revote.
Should have listened to Shamar, man. Throw a vote toward Eddie, and you would have tipped the vote. Buuuuuut, you also would have been a dirty turncoat, so maybe it's better to go down with the ship, which is what you've chosen.
You never know what alliance you could have finagled into given another 3 days though.

Not too concerned. I'm rooting Favorites all the way, baby. Unless that Favorite is Brandon. Ha! Brandon boosh.

Survivor:Abridged

I've been watching Survivor since the very beginning. I was 15 when it first aired. Back then, I stated that I'd watch Survivor for 30 seasons if that's how long it ran. I was trying to exaggerate for effect, but as Survivor is in the midst of its 26th season, it might actually reach that milestone.

I'll watch it as long as it's on. I got your back, Survivor.

Anyway, I have a habit of letting shows pile up on my DVR, and then I'll just burn through them in one marathon session. This is obnoxious to those around me that watch the same shows and want to talk about said shows as they air. Last season, I did this procrastination dance with Survivor, and after each episode, I'd write an email to my Mom with a bullet pointed list of things that surprised me, what pissed me off, who I liked and didn't like, etc. It was a general recap of what went down that episode. We could then talk about the episode, and there was much rejoicing.

I personally would find such a recap useful if I didn't intend to view the episode or should I have no way to view it. (Some people still have shitty internet, yo. It happens.) Therefore, I'm taking my terse breakdowns to the internets. No one will likely read it, save perhaps my mother...BUT I will have watched the show promptly. I will have written about it, and to the question "Have you watched Survivor yet?", my answer can be an emphatic "YES, gah!". I'm four behind right now, I believe. Ready, set, GO!